I felt God reminded me of this area, that I personally think I should share and bless people.

Few months back, on my way home. I was thinking through about my job, and the future advancement of this job, in terms of finances, personal growth, spiritual growth and potential of reaching out to people and making an impact in the marketplace.

My conclusion was: I'm very upset about my job. Not because of bad pay. In fact the pay is pretty good! The nature of the job? Although it's inflexible, it's my dream job! I'll gladly do overtime without complains! What I'm really upset about is the potential to reach out. Reach out to who? network of computers? What impact can an IT person to do impact lifes?

I felt greived and I immediately prayed a short prayer on the spot. I forgotten the exact words but it's something like "If there's a way, God, show me the way, what it pleases you the most"

Today, maung who is my colleague; so far, faithfully attending sunday service. Then just yesterday, I remembered the prayer I made a few months ago! It did really came to pass!

Then I got a change of mind about each individual profession. To everything, God has a purpose, never despise small beginnings, no matter how small. God definitely has a plan in your current job/work/profession!

I used to be a person who want it my way. I wasn't a loud person who demand it my way, but secretly and quietly, i want things go my way.

God has funny ways to remind you of certain things. Today,I took a bus that pass by a route that is very near my school. As I scan the roadside, I remembered the days I walked home after sch, praying and seeking God diligently. Almost everyday for 3 months, I remembered I woke up 5am and reach school at 630am in the morning to pray for the school. I tried to reason within myself since I'm a very strong in reason and factual person. so immediately, 2 things came to my mind;
Fact 1) I really prayed for the sch and seek God the best I could.
Fact 2) God slammed my dream for TP revival direct in my face.

Then I reasoned...maybe...or maybe not I may have realized why God would slam my dream in my face. Most probably my character wasn't strong enough then? Then again, losing the dream could mean I could backslide and leave God forever due to massive disappointments. God must have believed in me more than myself, that I would eventually make it.
I was thinking, should I chase after it again? Nah...it's already over. At least I grown more mature and tougher after that. I'm stronger now, it'll take something greater than slamming a dream in my face to quit.
Back to the present...I'm still encountering problems, I'm still having troubles; Real world, Real people, Real problems, Real Pain, Real Hurts. But I can feel God better now, cos I know, just like the fallen dream; God is there, I may not see God but God is backing me up in the midst of REAL-ity.

Anyway this isn't anything new. The bible states Gold is forged through fire:
Zechariah 13:9
I will bring that group through the fire and make them pure.I will refine them like silverand purify them like gold.They will call on my name,and I will answer them.I will say, ‘These are my people,’and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’”

So it's not surprising I'm having some breakthroughs now. I just got out of the fire. God certainly rewards those who pass through the test of fire.

Remember the time I blogged about how I faithfully prayed for my ex-sch temasek poly? And I came back sinking like a turkey and almost became drowned turkey(backslidded).

My cellgroup knows I really had a hard time, so Junjie and the rest of the cg gave a hamster me. I was comforted by a hamster, and I thought the worse was over. However, within a few mths, under my most faithful care, it died! My last hamster couldn't even celebrate her 1st birthday. My heart was shattered, my world was gone. The tiny little animal that is the only thing that comforted me, I couldn't understand why God wouldn't allow me to keep it. (Post on 26th March 2009)

After that, I tried to find comfort in bgr (unknowingly). I initially failed, and I tried to make a jar full of paper stars as my "final weapon" to win her heart again. But I crushed my heart and ended up giving it to God instead and dedicate it to God with these words "To love God, above my ministries, above my job, above my works, above my efforts" (Post on 26th April 2009)

All above, happen within a span of 6 mths. By the 3rd incident, my heart was already numb to pain. I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore, I was ready to pack my bag, organize and prepare myself to leave the cell group on 12 Nov 2009. I even planned to rent a place in order to stay UN-contactable! Not only I'm just leaving the cell group, I'm also saying goodbye to dating for the rest of my life.(I was thinking, why let a gal suffer with me?)
Sorry, I'm heading straight to the point, it's really really extremely super-ly(if there's such a word) painful for me to go through the details of each incident again. Since I'm heading straight to the point, I didn't expect my readers to understand the fullness in length and in breadth of the painfulness of the heart I went through.

Surprisingly, now I'm already attached! And it's not even november yet! And it happened because I literally 'bite' God with the remaining strength I have and refused to let go.(i'm only left with my teeth, there's no more strength in my hands and legs) For all those incidents that happened, till today, God had not given me an eplanation/reason for what I went through. Finally, I could only say God is good, and He owes me no explanation. He is faithful till the end even if we lose heart(even if we lose our heart). Praise the Lord!

Today is really a day that the Lord has made. I slept at 1230, I woke up at 530am from a dream refreshed as if I slept for 7hrs.

I can't remember the full details of the dream but this is what I could remember:
I was ripped off financially(cheated) by a small gal who disguised as an angel, who got away with her father before I could catch her.
The next moment, I was in my depressed state, until an angel came to me and offered me 2 options
1) an offer of 2 million dollars
2) forgive and let the small gal and her father go

this was my answer:
"God, I know your character, I know you'll still bless me even if I forgo the monetary offer and choose to let the family go. Therefore, I choose to let the family go."

My dream then extended a little, then I woke up.
(it really feels like watching a movie)

It is quite weird nowadays.....seems something is REALLY REALLY consistent in my life!

You know as my prayer life increases, the people calling me increases as well!

I didn't come out of this out of no-where, but it is consistent! Over a few years, it is still the same! This is really interesting, I gotta test and research more on this! THen I'll reporting my findings like a LAB-Professor!

I just felt a gentle wind when I was taking dinner just now. Usually that means I need to seek God deeper or God wants to speak to me today. So...I'm answerable to Him after this blog...haha.

Things are moving really fast in my life. Some of you...(or should I say most of you) already knew that I took a major step of faith into the next phase of my life. I didn't just make a casual decision, I carefully consider my finances, my spiritual well being, family, personal growth before I made this decision. For those of you who know, good and be silent! For those who don't know, this is what I say : "Things of the Lord, belongs to the Lord. You'll know when the time is right."

Today while I was taking a lift up...I looked at my own reflection...Well I look really pretty ordinary...for me to step into next phase of my life...it is almost impossible to imagine. Am I dreaming? Is this reality? A average joe like me? Really? God, it's me?

For a person carrying a mountain of mistakes...
It's gotta be God' grace.
Life's going too fast, yet God's grace is present regardless of your pace.

Sometimes we admire people with great character, great status, big visions and big dreams. I realize these are people who usually started small, took up alot of responsibilities, make decisions, be it good or bad, they become who they are today as the result of coming back from their failures/ setbacks.

Maturity seems to also linked with coming back from failures. Mature enough to handle disasters. Mature enough to make firm decisions. Mature enough to see the bigger picture, knowing the consequences of giving up.
Thank God really, I used to be a person who don't have much care in this world. I only want to live my own world, not bothered with everything else around me.

That's why I take the decisions I make very seriously. Most say I take it too serious or think too much. Sometimes I am, but do you really know the consequences as a result of my decisions? That isn't for you to bear, it is for me to bear, that's why probably for you, you took it lightly.

Not swinging to extremes and striking the balance...seems to take forever. But I musn't give up trying, going to extreme does more damage than we can actually see.