Recently I had a argument, looks like she was careless about her choice of words, she mentioned I was poor in leading children in children church ministry. I immediately snapped, seeing her mum around, I kept my cool and kept my bomb in control.

I felt a very deep cut in my heart due to what she said, even now I'm typing this, I still feel the pain. For others, no matter how bad they put me down, I would usually feel nothing. But for the one closest to me, I feel very deeply.

Then I started to question myself over these days
"Why did she accept me?"
"Am I not good enough?"
"Where have I done wrong?"
"Is it because she is so high up in ministry leadership that she put down others? Including ME?"

From the bottom of my heart I really did my best. The best I could, the best I can ever give. Yet her words, is just too much for me to swallow and take. Yet I cannot give up. If God allows this, what can I do? I've no choice but to swallow this 'pill'. Her attitude even in SOT really makes me feel disgusted. I gave up my one and only chance to go, for her to go. Yet she took it this way.

My honest feeling now is - I'm disgusted and disappointed. I wish I went to SOT instead, I felt I wasted my time and money.

Yet....I've to smile and put a professional face in work today...even though I feel that way. How long will I endure? How long can I endure? Yet I must go on. I must.